I have had an epiphany recently regarding my blog. I failed to write any entry in the entire month of February and I was quite upset at myself. When I started this process back in November, I was confident that I would write something at least several times a week. Now I find myself regretfully experiencing a time where it would appear that writing once in the entire month would have been an achievement. It started me to think about where the time had gone.
When I was a full time Sales Manager, I managed 50+ employees and was typically involved in several additional projects or committees. My days began early were filled with meetings and reports. I worked, most recently, downtown so commuting added to the hours spent on work. I remember ordering out dinner a lot or leveraging the Schwans man for a “just in time” dinner. By 8:00 I was exhausted and usually had very little energy for my then 3 boys. But, since I valued over achievement, I was also pursuing my MBA, so I would begin the work of my classroom and hope to be in bed by 10:00 so I could wake at 6:00 and begin again. I had a full time nanny, and at first that seemed to be a good arrangement. Money flowed into our household, but that didn’t seem to stop the continuing stress regarding money. There truth to the idea that money is one of the top reasons of divorce in America.
I was plagued with the desire of promotion. And in all honesty, I was good at what I did. I loved working for the benefit of my employees and frankly, there were times that I had to fight tooth and nail for what was due to them. Something few of them would ever know enough about to appreciate. But I was not politically savvy and I was too ambitious for my own good, and so in April of 2008, I found myself on the outskirts of the inner circle and left the corporate world.
It has been 3 years of detoxification from that place. And while it has been a time filled with change and lots of emotional impact, I am so thankful for all that has occurred. But I look back at that time and wonder how I managed to have any personal time at all. I really did think that I had everything anyone could ever want, and for the majority of those years, I thought I was living a dream. And perhaps I was, but it was not really my dream, it was the “American” dream. I am now painfully aware that I did not know myself well enough to know what I really wanted in life and in failing to spend time cultivating that knowledge; I was inserting the marketing mantra of the world’s perspective in its place.
Which brings me to the title of this entry, “Winter”. This winter we seem to have had every illness that has walked the halls at the 4 different schools that family members of mine attend, the weather has been pretty, but cold and oh, so much snow! I have found that I have missed a lot of activities this winter, and I have spent a lot of time at home. There are times when I feel badly that I am not accomplishing more. Times when I think that since I’m home I should have everything cleaned and in it’s place. I certainly should have been able to write a few blog entries!!
My laundry is still not done and I wouldn’t eat off the floor of the kitchen, so what has filled the hours? Where did I “invest” my time? Well, I started baking bread from scratch and made a decision that I was going to master the art of pizza dough, and by the way it is harder than you think! I have spent a lot of time reading and my morning devotional time has been so awesome. My youngest and I have had a lot of “art” time and we managed to get her room painted too. But aside from all of these things, I have spent time talking with my husband, talking about this summer and the months to come. Time spent in quiet contemplation has helped me to hear the ideas that I might have missed if I was too busy to think.
This winter has been long, but spring is on the way and I have proof! Right now we have received our baby chicks and ducklings so our mudroom has turned into a maternity ward of sorts. They are the first signs of the season of growth at the farm. Gardens are planned, projects established and babies growing for the 4H county fair.
I was holding one of the chicks yesterday when it dawned on me. Winter is a time when the garden rests. The animals hunker down. The barn is quiet. No babies are born, no horses are ridden, the hen’s major accomplishment is the laying of an egg and eating and the barn cats seem to spend time simply staying warm. We all need time to do the same, and while our culture would have us believe that 2 weeks of vacation a year is an adequate amount of time for rest, I disagree. I’d like to vote for a season of rest each year! Let’s take a cue from nature and “simmer down” a spell. Retreat to our homes with our families and learn to bake bread!
I know, I know, who would keep the world spinning? Well if you don’t join me, at least understand that there are times in your life when your purpose is not output, but rather to input. That is if you find yourself in a season of rest, by choice, through a loss of a job, an illness, or by any means, embrace it. Listen in the slowness for guidance, enjoy watching others hurry by and take your time. Soon enough the winter will pass and Spring will be upon you, I promise that if you embrace the season of rest, that you will be ready for the following season and whatever it brings!
