Spring!

 Spring!

Spring has begun to rear it's head on the farm!! This winter was the hardest and felt like the longest since moving to the farm, I am so excited to see glimpses of the rebirth spring brings each day. Yesterday I noticed that for the first time this year, the Buff Orpington chickens were up at the house again. They were foraging through the leaves and leftover snow for any bit of food they could find. When I walked outside my front door, they ran up to me (not kidding, ran!) as if to say they’d missed our daily visits on the steps since the fall. For me this is a stronger sign of spring than if a dozen Robins were in the trees! I'm not sure who is more excited that spring has sprung; me or the chickens. Spring is here!

 Momma kitty in the barn is as round as can be with babies who are due any day. Our last duck egg hatched in the incubator 2 days ago, so we will end the hatching season with 8 healthy Khaki Campbell ducks! One of our Hen’s has taken up residence in the goat pen and has gathered 4 eggs under her. If all goes well, she will be the mother to several baby chicks in the next week or so. Spring is here!

The snow melt has reaped havoc in the barn and flooding this time of year is the norm. Chicks and Ducks from this year's hatch are still living in large pens in my son's bathroom as the temperature ups and downs make it too risky to move them out into the barn yet.  But the baby chicks are starting to get their adult feathers, a sure fire sign that they will soon move to their permanent residence in the barn, and act that always brings a smile and a sigh of relief to my husband’s face! Spring is here!

During the stillness of the Winter I took a lot of time to reflect on life here and before we moved to the farm. Reading back over prior posts it occurred to me how much I’ve learned and how awesome this experience has been for me and the whole family. But I also noticed a lot of struggle and even a lot of death experiences, most of the animal variety. It made me think about the concept of suffering. Why we have to suffer, what benefit it brings and how we use our times of suffering. In February I lost a friend to Cancer. Not yet having reached her 40^th year on this planet, the loss has been great to me, my other friends and of course her family, including her 11 year old son. It has stopped all of us in our tracks and forced us to look at how we are living our lives. It has reminded us that there are no guarantees and that life in all of its forms is precious. It has hurt and been painful. It has brought those of us she left together, closer, more thankful for life and each other. It has changed us.

For me it is apparent that in the goodness of life we become complacent. I do anyway. Expectations change when all is well. I start to expect that life will continue to be easy or good. When tragedy strikes, it forces me to look hard into my thoughts, words and actions. I’m forced to be deliberately present in my life. I don’t like it, but I need it. I need to struggle to appreciate the “wins” in life. I need to struggle to become a better version of myself, to have empathy for others, to reach out and with honest words day, “I know how you feel”, to fully see, appreciate and thank God for all of my blessings.

I also need to have struggle in my life as I seek to be a valid example of Christ here on earth. Jesus, did no wrong, yet lived a humble, tragic life that changed the direction of spiritual world forever. Whether you believe in him as the Messiah or not, you would be hard pressed to deny his great love for others. In great pain, and taking the ultimate risk of rejection, he loved all people, even those who no one else wanted to acknowledge. Even on the cross he prayed for Father God to forgive the masses for crucifying him. Can you imagine being that loving? Imagine yourself praying a prayer of Thanks Giving for your co-worker who lied about your work to forward their own position, for that kid on the bus who is tormenting your child, imagine thanking God and praying for that person who said those hurtful things about you. Can you or I actually be that loving? I think we must try.

Now, I’m not suggesting I or anyone can be 100% like Jesus, far from it, but it makes me think that any idea of suffering is actually necessary if you are seeking to be like him and that it is only by our wounds and humility that we grow in Christ. Life is difficult, but it is SO wonderful! Challenges make each of us who we are, make us worth wild people for each other. And frankly they show the depth of our faith. A picture that can be painful if, like me, you have a short memory for all that God has done for you.

So as spring approaches you in your life, take a moment to be thankful for the struggle, for all of the “winters” in your life.  If you are able to love others in good times and bad, be thankful. And if this is a challenge for you, then work on flexing your gratitude muscle. Pray for those who have hurt or are hurting you. Show love to the unlovable people around you. Be thankful in all things and I promise you in turn you will have a lot to be thankful for!

Forward

Winter hovers over me this year like none that has come before. My spirit is sad. I knew when we came to the farm, that there would be seasons for everything, Seasons for growth, seasons for change and even seasons for death. I think in the beginning of any adventure it is easy to find energy. The newness of the experience is invigorating. Like discovering a whole new world that you never knew existed. Every day is filled with the wonder of what will happen next. What will grow, who will be born, what will we discover?

When we moved to the farm, I was looking for a change, a major change. I wanted to break free from the slavery of the corporate world and embrace daily God’s creation. I wanted to get my hands dirty and trade in my Chanel earrings for blue jeans and mud boots. I wanted to spend time in nature, digging, planting, birthing and growing.  I wanted my kids to know the value of growing your own food. I wanted them to know people who lived off of the land and what it is to trust God to provide for your needs. 

That is what we have done over the last 4 years since moving to the farm. We cleaned out the old and unused barn. My husband built stalls for future residents and we filled the loft with hay. Chicks arrived and soon after a myriad of animals that needed homes had taken up residency. I never minded the work of morning and evening chores and even took pride in managing them in sub zero temperatures. I was after all, a reformed suburban “princess” and nothing tickled me more then lifelong friends who were awestruck at the baby ducks I had hatched in my laundry room or the fact that my goats followed me to and from the bus stop to meet the kids. This place has blessed my children with wonderful experiences that can only happen when time is taken to smell the roses and the chicken poop!

So why am I restless now? What has happened to curb my enthusiasm on this bleak February evening? This month has been filled with stress and sadness and I know it has taken its toll. A battle with the flu has left my body weak and tired, a loss of my horse has left my spirit crushed and aching. Discord with friends has prompted me to spend too much time wondering what I could have done differently in my relationships and hay and heat costs have left me wondering when we can rebuild our financial safety net. The storm has come and settled over my head.

A long time ago I saw a poster that had a young man with a knapsack over his shoulder looking at road signs pointing down paths in opposite directions. The caption said, “No matter where you go, there you are.” I think about that poster often. Here I am.

I am a starter, I like new experiences. In business, I always thrived in companies who were new or starting over. I never liked companies that were established and only wanted maintenance. I would get bored. I like the unknown, wondering what is around the river bend kind of moments. I love meeting new people and learning about their lives. I enjoy new places and new experiences.

But at some point in every season, maintenance is required. You can not have an amazing orchard if there is never a season of pruning. Firewood for heat or food to eat must be maintained through planting and harvesting. You can’t spend all of your time just putting seeds into the ground, sometimes you must watch and wait for them to grow. You must have patience. I am not patient. Especially when patience is coupled with loss.

The journey of a lifetime begins with a single step. I really relate to that statement, I love taking action, taking a step in a direction. But for some reason, I believe God wants me to master a new set of skills. He wants me to be comfortable with maintaining that which he has given to me. He wants me to evolve to a place of comfort with “sameness”. To be comfortable doing laundry while knowing it will need to be done again tomorrow or to embrace cooking a meal for my family only to do it again a few hours later. I come from a place of accomplishment, getting rewarded for completing goals and I think this has hindered my growth in the area of peace. No one will give me an award for the most laundry done in a single evening. I may have created a chef inspired meal and the most I can hope for is clean plates.  So why do this? Why spend time doing those mundane things? Why not revisit the professional world that I left behind where I can be recognized on a regular basis for my efforts?

I’ll tell you why, because my life is meant to be different  than that. Because what I do each day to meet the minimum needs of my family is more miraculous than any “high point” award I ever received at work. Because the corporate world will swallow up whatever space I leave in it with in an instant of my departure. Because for the majority of the world at large, living through each day and seeing a new sunrise is a miracle of perseverance. Because the road less traveled is not always comfortable or easy. Most importantly it is because God commands us to be good stewards of all in this life that he bestows upon us.  Does knowing this make it easier for me to be patient? To have a day, week or month where nothing is new or exciting? Does this knowledge make it more manageable when I feel restless, hurt or sad? Nope, it doesn’t. But it does force me to my knees. It forces me to get beyond my feelings and seek out God’s grace and to place his hand on my emotions. It forces me to trust that in all that God does, he does it for my good. It challenges me to seek him in the discomfort.

I think at those moments when we are most desperate, most fearful, most tired, that we are also at the closest point to a breakthrough, a miracle even. If  I can breathe my way into the next day, make it through the next pile of clothes, the next meal, I am confident that a miracle awaits me on the other side. But, if I give into my emotions, let my tired body take on a negative attitude, do the minimum versus the maximum in all that I undertake I fall short of that bliss that I yearn for, that completion.

With that said, I leave you to go and turn some duck eggs in the incubator, feed our 4 week old chicks and put away the bread I have just finished baking at 9PM. After that, I will spend time focusing on all of the blessing that were brought to me today. A loving family, a good job for my husband, Chickens that turn grain into beautiful eggs, wood to make a fire and friends who are there to hear my cries when I am not strong. All of this and God’s promise that he will never abandon me, in any season, encourages me to take another step….forward.