Reflections

Some of you don’t know much about me, so  I hope that at the end of this time together that all of you will have learned something new, something thought provoking, and if you find at the end of this time that you have learned nothing, then please don’t tell me, my ego can only take so much! But instead be an encouragement to others around you that have not quite figured out Patience and Gentleness.

 I used to think that Patience was something God bestowed on people, you either were Patient or you were not patient.  I was not Patient.  My impatience led me to act as the master of my destiny.  I have always been willing to work hard, just not long. “I’m a sprinter, not a marathon runner” I would say to myself, or “I’m great at Creation, roll-out and implementation of things, but don’t put me in charge of maintenance.” That way I could justify why I was uncomfortable in job positions once I had established new teams and ways of doing things. My career has been made in 18 month increments.

At home I was great at re-painting or wall papering an entire room in a weekend, want to put in a new garden tomorrow? Then I’m your girl, but the day to day of Laundry, cleaning floors and such were not my idea of a good time.  It was SO maddening to me; I would do anything I could not to maintain our home chores because they were pointless to me, “whatever I do is just going to be undone again!” I’d tell my husband.  Poor guy!

Well, my impatience finally caught up with me a few years ago.  Along with other personal challenges (which I’ll save for other discussions), I became aware of my impatience.  I started to understand how my impatience was negatively impacting me and my friends and family.  Not to mention the ever present mountain of Laundry! Just to give you an example of the lengths I went to in order to avoid home maintenance, I actually had enough clothes for each of my 4 kids and I, that I really did not have to do Laundry more than once every three weeks. Yikes!

To me, patience was needed to manage the time in between the excitement. I love Change; in the past I thrived on change, but too much change in one’s life creates Chaos, not peace.  I needed and longed for some peace.

About four years ago, I started to pray for Patience.  I’d like to share with you what God has done in my life and what I have learned from other brilliant people since I prayed honestly and truthfully for Patience.  First a warning! Do not pray for Patience if you are not serious about wanting it.

I wanted patience desperately! At the time I began praying, I was working full time, studying for my MBA, a mother of 4 and trying to be active at church. I was exhausted! I had created a lot in my life, but I was not enjoying any of it. I knew I was living by my will, not God’s will. For the first time ever I really wanted to try life his way.  I remember telling him to “hit me over the head with a brick” to tell me what I needed to do to seek this Peaceful life I so wanted.

The first thing that happened after I started to walk down the path seeking for Patience is I lost my job.  I was laid off.  I was not worried, I was used to finding new positions, I loved change, I had a nice severance, so ok, I’d just go find something else.  Daily I would pray for God to direct my life.  And each day I would go out and look for work.  Recruiters who had placed me before were thrilled that I was on the market again, everyone was very optimistic about my potential to replace my position.  But, I was not to stay in corporate America.  After several months of no interviews, I realized God wanted me to stay home.  Me, the impatient, no laundry doing, career woman was going to be a stay at home mom?? 

About this time I found a great resource in Joyce Meyer.  Her book “Battlefield of the Mind” has been a tremendous light for me as I have traversed this dark tunnel of perusing patience.  She was the first person who helped me understand that Patience is not an emotion. Patience doesn’t just happen.  It isn’t something that God just gives you. It’s like a muscle that has to be worked on to build strength.  How do you build this muscle?  You must exercise! What are the exercises for Patience? The only way to strengthen your patience is to endure situations that require patience.  Now, had I really known this to be true in the beginning, I’m not sure I would have ever prayed for Patience.  Work stopped, and it was great, all the things I had wanted to have time to do I was now able to do, at first.

You see Patience also requires you to be fearless.  Think about times when you find your anxiety level growing.  You’re late for an important meeting at work, and traffic is stopped. You are waiting for the doctor to call with your spouse’s test results. Your child is waiting to hear from a prospective college.  Your friend has not returned your call in 2 days, and that is just not like her.   Some of these situations are a big deal, some are not really a big deal, but they all have something in common; FEAR.  Fear is the first factor you must overcome to have patience. Fear of the unknown is common, along with fear of change, fear of no control, all of the “what if” scenarios are what make it hard to be patient.  Throw an ego into the mix and you have the perfect recipe for impatience.

For me, fear sounded like, “how will we live on just my husband’s income? Will we have to leave our home?”, “What will people think of me if I’m “just a stay at home mom?”, And the biggest fear “What if I’m a better worker than a mom?”, “what if I can’t do it?”

My mind was full of all kinds of self-defeating and negative thoughts, I needed to clear out the bad stuff and fill my head with some good news.  I made several decisions, if I was ever going to have patience; I had to control my thoughts.

From that moment on, I changed the things in my life that were giving me negative input. I purposely stopped watching television.  I turned off HGTV in my home for good.  I stopped reading home magazines and threw away my fashion magazines. I sent my “Working Mother” subscription packing!  Instead I spent time reading the bible and biblically influenced works. I had Joyce’s book at my bedside and read it over and over again each night. Through my readings, I learned that patience is not just an emotion; it is a way of managing one’s feelings through a situation.  It takes discipline.  What kind of discipline?  To master Patience, you must have the strength to manage your mind and your thoughts.

Romans 12:2 became my battle cry. “Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

See, I firmly believe that our culture loves impatience.  We are rewarded for it, encouraged even to be impatient. 

Feel sluggish? Drink red bull and get wake up now! Short on cash but want to buy something? Just Charge it!  Want to lose weight? Take this pill and lose weight fast. Wrinkles got you down? Use this for an instant face lift!  Don’t like something? Change it.  Uncomfortable? Adjust your life now! 

No wonder I was so good at being impatient.  I was in control of my life…..or so I thought.  This is where the second factor that leads us to impatience needs to be introduced.  Folks, pride is now joining the conversation.  Oh, I was prideful and so afraid of failure!  Specifically afraid of what others would say about my failure. So because my self esteem was based on pride of my works, and not based on God’s unconditional love and acceptance of me, I was vulnerable. I found my pride growing and my defenses were high! I actually started becoming more impatient, because a humble person will not display impatience. I needed to get over myself!!

John 16:33 says “In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer. For I have overcome the world.” God has already provided everything for us. SO why be impatient?  Easy enough, isn’t it? Just Stop being impatient! Well, it’s not that easy if you’re a human being!

We each must turn away from ourselves and look upon God. We need to have the mind of Christ. Submitting your will to God’s will, does not mean that you sit, doing nothing, waiting for God to provide your needs and direct your every moment. It starts by making one decision, the decision that you are going to “own your thoughts”. You are responsible for your own impatience.  God is Patient, how else can we explain why he continues to stand by us as we fall short again and again. Take time to be present with God, time to hear him.

We each need to enjoy where we are while we are on our way to where we are going!  Pride prevents us from enjoying where we are because a proud person thinks so highly of herself that she does not think she should be inconvenienced in any way.  Satan loves it when we are in this mode! He loves to fill our heads with idealistic prideful thoughts.

In the same way, he can also swing the pendulum to fill our head with thoughts that we should not expect or want for anything.  My husband was raised with the idea that if he never wanted anything, he would never be let down.  So he has spent his life denying his wants because of his fear that he will be let down.  And guess what? He has still been let down! So it didn’t work! God doesn’t want us to not want anything.  God wants us to bring our petitions to him, to ask him for what we want. He puts desires in our hearts for a reason.  We are to ask him and to wait patiently.  How do we wait patiently? Focus on the knowledge that God wants good things for you.  He wants you to be filled with joy. But he also wants you to be patient.  Galatians 5:22 teaches us that patience is a fruit of the spirit. It is deposited in each of us when we are born again, our ability to display patience is very important to God.  It is also a living testament of God’s character.

James 1:2-4 teaches us that we should rejoice when we are challenged, knowing that God uses trials to bring about the fruit of the Spirit, like patience.

“Consider it wholly joyful, my brethren, whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort or fall into various temptations. Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your faith bring out endurance and steadfastness and patience.  But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be perfectly and fully developed, lacking in nothing.”

Many trials have come my way since I prayed for patience.  In the past 3 years alone, my husband and I had to make some tough decisions, we moved our family for the first time in 16 years to a new town, I have broken several bones, we have invited a whole host of animals to join our circus.  We have made many changes.  But remember, I’m the girl who loved change right? Well this time I can truly say, I believe these changes, while hard, have been good. And I realize that since I let go of the steering wheel and let God hop in the driver’s seat, Patience is coming to me.  Each trial, each challenge gives me an opportunity to get my mind set on God and to enjoy the process, to embrace the unknown.  To know he is in control.

While there is no formula for peace, I believe one thing to be absolutely true.  Peace is not the absence of chaos, but rather the ability to sit steadfast in the midst of the storm, to look to God and worship him with your hole heart when the world tells you that you are getting the short end of the stick, and to know that regardless of the circumstance, that through Christ, you can do all things, even be more patient.