Perspective

Buying hay is an important part of farm life, unless you are blessed with acreage and machinery that allow you to grow your own. We typically buy hay once or twice a year. The horses generally go through two bales a day, so when the hay arrives, there is a lot of it.  In August we bought 400 bales, enough to get us through the winter and then some.

We buy the bulk of our hay from one farmer who lives a few miles away from us.  He is the owner of the barn where our horse, Cheval lived before we moved out to the country; we were boarders at his barn.  When we moved to the farm, he was very helpful and was my go to when I had questions.  He even gave me my first chickens. In fact, it was because Cheval was housed at his barn that I had occasion to drive around this part of Minnesota. I’m not sure that we would have thought about moving to Carver if it was not for the time I had exploring areas around the barn to and from riding.

So last night, I got a text from my hay supplier. It read “I have not gotten my December hay payment yet”. That’s all, nothing more. No “happy holidays”, no “hope you’re well”, just a simple statement. Why did such a simple sentence raise the hair on my neck and make my stomach feel tense? I immediately felt indignant. We had no formal timeline for payment. I have never missed a payment or left him in the lurch. Was he insinuating that I didn’t pay appropriately? I had planned to pay him this week and it’s only the middle of the month.

My first internal response was, “Is December over yet?” Then I thought, maybe I should text him back and say, “I dropped off cash last week, you didn’t get it?” or some other flippant answer. I called my friend and horse partner to commiserate. She had gotten the same text and had similar feeling to mine.  Why did we both feel defensive? A simple sentence on my phone was really getting under my skin.

So I started thinking, why would he send this text. He could have simply called and inquired about payment. We had no formal contract, just an agreed upon priceto be delivered once a month until paid in full. No specific day of the month. We had not missed a single month, so what was this about.

Now, I know there are moments when God speaks to me through my thoughts, not with angels and burning shrubs, just simple little thoughts. I believe that last night he whispered again. I started to sense thoughts leading me to wonder if the message was simply a question, no judgment, just a desire to know when the payment was coming. Maybe he needs the money for Christmas. Maybe one of his adult kids is in trouble, so he’s calling in cash.  Maybe he wants to take his girlfriend out for a special night and needs to know if he will be able to do that.  Maybe he just took a pay cut and is worried about the mortgage. Or maybe he is just an awkward guy who was nervous in asking and so he just went the blunt route. 

The point is this, why did I react SO defensively? Why did I read the text as negative? It is an interesting question to ponder, do I expect the best of others or am I suspicious of their motives.  Am I defensive because I am worried that I’ve let someone down? After I took this whisper to heart, I ended up texting him back and let him know that we would be delivering a check that week.  Take the high road, I thought!!

Fulfilled, I put my phone away, only to notice my blackberry flashing a red light; an indication that I had another text message. With an open mind I read the text. He replied with a simple “ok” and a smiley face.  I decided to take the smiley face as a positive sign.